Look at me
by Won't-wear-a-Halo
Summary: Rosabella Caprice was had a life many envy yet very few truly know.After her father had died, her mother choose to remarry. She is forced into a new way of life where nothing is as it seems.
1. Try to truly see something in me

**Look at me**

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**Part 1**

_  
Try to truly see something in me _

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Rosabella Caprice stood before her lengthy mirror wondering what people saw when they saw her. She viewed her long brown hair that never seemed to be persuaded to stay put in one fashion. Then her eyes wondered over her hourglass figure, for which she had to work hard. Her mother would not allow any pounds to be gained. Though she loved her mother, she wished that for once she could just be herself and eat away the day. Yet she knew she could not. She looked at her breasts and her buttocks and was happy to see it was just fine. Nothing t little nor to much. Yet maybe it would have been easier if she had been different, to have to little or to much. Who knew! But she would most likely never find out. 

And lastly she looked at her eyes. Dull dark brown eyes that had lost their shimmer long ago. The day her mother packed their bags and dragged her to another country. The moment her mother met a new man to fill the void in her life and that would ruin the life of her daughter. Of course her mother did not know that, for she never wished bad upon her daughter. But for Rosabella life wasn't good, it wasn't easy and it most definitely wasn't fun. Again she looked herself in the eyes before sighing and trying to zip up the dress that she was supposed to wear tonight.

She thought back to the times that she had been happy. When her father had still been alive and her family was still together. When she would run down the street to meet her grandmother. When she still smiled. When her mother still smiled. When they were still living in Italy. However she pulled herself away from her train of thoughts, it had been to long. She had only been nine when her father passed away from a spell gone wrong and she had been ten when she was forced to learn the English language. And she had only just turned eleven when she was roughly pulled away from her mother to go to boarding school.

Rosabella was sixteen now to the day and she no longer regretted ever being sent to that school. Hogwarts had proven to be quite adventurous and fun. She had learned not only magic there, but the different kinds of love that were able to exist in the world. A world that became darker every year. Yet she tried not to notice as she smiled her way through life.

Yes she smiled a lot and many of those times she did, it was not even a fake one either. She was reasonably happy with her life at Hogwarts. At home things were different though.

"Rosa dear are you ready?" her mother, Romana, asked as she quietly walked into her daughters room.

"Yes mother nearly done, if only you could help zipping up the back." She replied with a smile.

"Where is Maria?" Her mother asked looking around for the maid.

"I sent her off early today, she was coming down with a cold" Rosabella replied looking back at her mother.

"Good thinking, would not want you to get ill with the festivities so close" Romana said again looking to be in deep thought and Rosabella just rolled her eyes.

"The zipper mother?" she quietly reminded her mother who came back to the land of the living with a small blush. She helped her daughter before walking out of the room again without a word.

Applying the finishing touches of her makeup, Rosabella walked out of her door. Yet not before positioning her wand underneath her dress. Nobody needed to know she kept it close at all times and she felt safer that way. Painting a smile on her face she felt ready to great the outside world again. Another night of mingling and boring talks about politicians that didn't do their job well.

Sirius Black stood in his private bathroom looking over his attire for today once more. He looked dashing, he knew that. He knew many female eyes would linger on him as he walked by and he knew they would want him to follow them into the garden.

Yet he wasn't happy at all. Just because he also knew they would never see him, the person he truly was. He knew they would never introduce him to their parents, walk with him in public. He was aware that he had been banned from all important pureblood families. The only reason he was brought along was for his mother to show him and the others that she still had some control over her eldest son. And to make sure that son wasn't having a good time with friends. After had embarrassed her all those years ago when he was sorted, she wanted nothing more then to make him feel miserable.

"Sirius, get down here this minute. I won't let you make us appear late!" His father, Orion, bellowed from downstairs. The boy knew his father was better not angered and he slowly made his way downstairs. Though he made no hurry he knew better then to not come at all. His back was still severely bruised from last night. He wasn't in the mood for a rematch.

As he walked down the stairs his father was already on his way up, having believes his son would once again fail to respond to his callings.

Just for the thoughts his father had, Sirius received a smack in the head. It wasn't too bad and Sirius knew he was lucky they had a party to attend. If not he might have been lying on the bottom of the stairs by this time. The young boy wondered how much longer he would be able to handle this kind of living, but for today he just had to put through with it. For today he's have to stand and be humiliated and only for today he had to pretend they were able to break his spirit. But he knew deep inside himself, it would not be long anymore. Soon he would break free from their grasp and soon he would be able to live a happy life. Soon. And soon could not come quick enough for the boy.

The party had already begun by the time Rosabella walked into the ballroom and she was quickly pulled aside by her father, stepfather.

"Where were you?" he whispered harshly, still managing to keep a smile on his face.

"I was getting ready, now could you release my arm you are cutting off my circulation. And if it bruises everyone will see" she said calmly as if his action had by no means effected her.

"We would not want that" he replied and quickly released her, yet she knew he was not yet finished with her and once the guest had left tonight he would finish what he had started.

Rosabella walked away from the man and decided it would be best to mingle a little. It was best to be a good hostess, that way the anger of her stepfather, William Rosier, might diminish during the evening. She soon stood face to face with his son though, Even Rosier. Though they lived the same faith they could not see eye to eye. Rosabella hated the boy with a passion. His rough demeanour was poisonous and she rarely wished to converse with him.

"late again?" he asked smirking, knowing tonight it would be her to face his wrath and not him. Rosabella choose to just glare before walking off, instead of replying in any form that needed words. All she said would later be used against her.

Looking around she spotted her mother and decided to stand by her side tonight. Her mother needed support just as bad as she did.

Sirius and his family had entered only a few moments ago and ever since he had been following Rosabella's every move. Her beauty enthralled him and so did the smile she always wore, which had never reached her eyes.

He saw how she was roughly pulled aside by William Rosier and later saw the sneering face of Evan towering over her. But after she sought refuge by her mothers side he was done following her and concentrated on staying as far away from everyone as he could possibly manage. All without loosing his arrogant demeanour. He still had a reputation to uphold after all.

Rosabella looked around to see if she could find him, the one she needed to get through these nights. The one that made her get through the weeks of torment at home and the one that never asked anything in return for all the things he did for her. 

She winked at him as soon as she found him and walked into the garden.

By the end of the evening he received the signal and off he went, into the garden. There she would be waiting. The woman that made these night worth while. The one that could make it all bearable. The one that satisfied his lust without asking much in return.

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What did you think? I've got it all pretty much finished and will update this story often this week...well I'll try but I've got a few family get togethers to suffer through ;) 

Let me know what you thought of this first part!


	2. Who do you see?

** Look at me**

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**Part 2**

_Who do you see?_

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Rosabella waited impatiently for her knight in shining armour to appear. Well maybe she was giving him far to much credit at this point but she was beyond boredom and she needed to release the energy she felt surging through her body. Soon she was happily surprised by the kisses that crashed upon her lips. She smelled his cologne and pulled him close. His muscled body sent sparks through her soft one and they were both quickly lost in their blissful moment. His hands rode up her long skirt and she wasted no time to wrap her legs around his torso, giving him full access. A not so subtle hint and he had not problem understanding her meaning. 

Sirius was happy right where he was. His lips upon the girls throat and he had longed for his passion to be satisfied. She moaned out his name and he smirked a little. He still had it in him, after all these years of secret meetings he could still manage to charm her.

"Sirius we should go further to the back, otherwise we might be seen" the girl whispered in his ear and he obliged, without hesitance.

They walked further back and found a tree to lean against. If only the tree had not been occupied by another couple.

"Reggie?" the girl said softly and Sirius face went cold as he saw the girl his brother was with.

Rosabella looked up to meet the eyes of Selena Greengrass. As she looked past the girl she could see the stone cold face of none other then Sirius Black.

Regulus released the girl in his arms and Rosabella had trouble standing up straight again, her knees had gone a little weak by the passion in her body.

"Well, well look what we have here" he said smirking at the girl that stood by his brother.

"aren't you supposed to wait for the right man? The one proud pureblood your parents want to marry you too?" Regulus sneered at the now petrified girl before him.

"Isn't she?" Sirius jumped in while pointing at Rosabella.

Rosabella looked up shocked and was at a loss of words.

"You have no business here" she said simply hoping both he and Selena went away but she had no such luck.

For a while she and Sirius just glared at one another, neither one quite knowing what to say or do.

Regulus and Selena just looked between the two, sensing the tension yet not quite understanding from whence it came.

"Regulus I'm sorry but you and Selena have to go, your brother and I have some things to discuss." Rosabella said softly while holding Regulus' hand making sure he understood she was truly sorry. Sorry their moment had been interrupted, sorry she had to send him away without a real explanation. Regulus just grumbled a little and pulled Selena along with him, back inside the house and to the ballroom where all the adults would be.

"Well if it isn't saint Rosa" Sirius muttered still glaring her way.

"and you are one to talk?" she replied sarcastically as she stepped away from the tree and towards the lake that her garden was by.

"I thought you were to wait for the one you were promised too" he said and she just laughed a little.

"Yet the one I was promised too forgot about me long ago" she said knowingly.

"Haven't you?" she added and Sirius looked away. She just had to remind him of that, of what he had lost the moment he choose to step up against his family.

"I haven't, but I've lost all the chances I had when I turned 11 didn't I?" he replied looking at his shoes.

"According to my parents all ties made were broken the moment you were sorted" Rosabella said and he looked up quickly.

"And according to you?" he asked her softly stepping a little closer to her. She was so beautiful and he hated to think her character was so different. Yet she had proven time and time again that she was just like all the other purebloods. Still he never understood how she could act like that and still not be happy with her lifestyle. Her eyes never laughed, they never sparkled and yet when he had first seen her at the age of 10 only just learning to speak his language, he had seen that sparkle. It had soon left her eyes. Far to quickly if you asked him.

She felt him stepping closer and her muscles stiffened. She could not understand how he could be so arrogant and cocky when his life was so miserable. She could not understand how he could be so happy. And she knew he was. Every day she passed him in the hallways at school, she saw he was happy. Happy when he was pranking others, happy when he was loving others, happy when he and his best friends were just walking around. She could see it in his eyes. How could he, when his life at home was everything but a happy environment?

"It doesn't matter what I think" she mumbled and again felt him step closer, his body nearly touching hers. His body heat radiating, making her feel weak.

"To me it does, it does matter" he whispered in her ear and she turned to look at him. To see if his intentions were true, if he was sincere.

As their eyes met, she knew he had been. And he knew just how she felt. Slowly he bent down and pressed his lips upon hers carefully.

She replied by slipping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. For a moment they forgot about everything and everyone. Like the world around them no longer existed. Like it all didn't matter anymore.

She led him towards a more secluded area where she began to pull on his clothes.

He felt her passion, her anxiety and her lust. He felt it all as if it were his own feelings. And they soon forgot who felt what and who wanted it more. His hands unzipped her dress and let it slowly fall to the soft ground under them, before pulling her into him a little more.

"I want you" He whispered in her ear and she moaned as he bit her lobe slightly.

"I need you" she replied pulling him as close as possible.

"I.." he began but she cut him off.

"Shut up and kiss me" she said and his lips soon crashed on hers. No more words were needed. They both knew where this was heading to and both knew the other one wanted it just as much as they did themselves.

Long after they had finished, they were laying in the grass holding one another close as could be. Content with everything. Happy with each other.

Life suddenly did not seem to bad. It all made sense and was all good.

The real world seemed to have paused and waited for them to move again. But both were reluctant to do so. Yet both knew that they soon had too. Otherwise people would look for them and that would make everything worse. Rosabella was the first to move. She kissed him one last time and put her dress back on. He helped her zip it and then pulled small twigs and leaves from her hair. She in turn pulled her wand out and made her appearance a little more presentable. She then did the same for him, before agreeing that she was first to enter the room, he'd come later. He pulled her close one more time and then she was on her way. Their peaceful moment completely over.

As she walked into the ballroom, Regulus was quickly beside her misunderstanding her pink cheeks. Luckily.

"Has he hurt you?" he asked her and she shook her head.

"I hexed him" she lied and he smiled at him slipping his arm around her waist.

"How?" he asked her later realizing he had not seen a wand.

"I am never without protection" she said and remembered then band on her thigh.

"Good thing" he said and looked as his brother walked back into the room, also looking a little flustered.

"you did him good! He actually looks less arrogant" Regulus said and held her a little tighter.

"He could do with a little less ego" she said and he laughed.

"Yes that he could" they laughed a little more before biding goodnight, as he went home and she went to her room. Not forgetting her punishment yet hoping it would not be so bad.

"you captured a Black" William said as he strode into her room and she looked up in shock.

"I knew you had it in you" he then said and she knew he meant Regulus.

"up to your standards?" she asked hoping to sound obliging instead of sarcastic. And as she saw his face she knew she has succeeded.

"No punishment for you tonight, you have to look your best tomorrow" William said and she looked a little confused u at him.

"The blacks come over, who knows we could switch the brother you had been promised too" he said and she smiled at him, hoping he would think she was okay with that.

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What did you think? Is it what you expected? Is it good? Is it bad?? I really like to know!  



	3. Where are you now?

**Look at me**

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**Part 3 **

_Where are you now?

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_

After that week, Sirius had fled home and Rosabella had not heard from him since that faithful night. She cried at first, then waited hopeful for a message and when it never came she turned angry. He should watch his back once they were back at school. She would show no mercy to him. She would show her Slytherin side once more.

Regulus had been happy to hear her agree to a marriage. As soon as he would leave school, their wedding would be arranged and he could not have been happier. If only he had been the same age as her, that way she would not have to wait a year after school for him.

They had spent their entire summer together and once it was time to go back to school everybody knew about the engagement.

It broke his heart to hear he lost her again. To his own brother this time, yet Sirius knew it had once again been partially his fault. He had left her behind, once again. He hoped that she would accept his excuse but found it hard to get her aside from his brother. He had to wait until classes started up again and she would be without her fiancé.

Yet a full month had passed before he could get her alone and in that month a lot had changed. She no longer seemed to be a nice girl. The one he had spend the night with once. She seemed to have transformed into a true Slytherin Bitch. One that would not move away for anyone, one that would not take no for an answer from anybody. And one that would not speak to anyone outside of her own house. Sirius was no exception and received a lot of hexes from her wand. He tried to ignore it and he tried to keep his jinxes to himself but soon found himself hexing her back just as bad. He had to protect his fine body and his reputation after all.

Many people saw the slight change in attitude, with both Rosa and Sirius. Yet most people pushed it aside and figured the major changes their lives had been through that summer had caused it. Regulus however wasn't a fool and though he tried to believe she had changed because she had found her future husband in him, he knew she had found her man somewhere else.

His pride would not let him cast her away as he knew nobody else saw it. Then again nobody knew that Sirius and Rosa had been away for two hours during the part at the beginning of summer. Nobody had known they had been together. Nobody but him. And he had recently begun to understand that her pink cheeks and his flustered look were not the signs of a good fight but signs of a night filled with passion. However he had also been aware of the anger she felt towards his brother at this point and he planned to milk that anger as much as he could. If he could keep her mad at Sirius this whole year his troubles would be over. After this year they wouldn't have to see one another again anyway.

Rosabella met up with Selena Greengrass and they walked to classes together. Selena had been oblivious to everything that had been going on and she was just glad Rosa never ratted on her.

"Have you been shopping for dresses already?" Selena asked her friend as she looked at her schedule to see in which classroom they were expected.

"No my mother is taking me during the summer . You want to tag along?" She asked her friend, who in turn looked up, surprised and happy.

"Yes please, I'd love to" Selena exclaimed and Rosabella smiled down at her friend.

"Good that's a date then" Rosabella said and they walked into the classroom.

The girls immediately looked around to see who was joining them in this particular class and they were unfortunately joined by none other then the marauders. Sirius winked at the both of them but neither one was willing to return it and they just turned around, grabbing their books and a quill.

"You must be happy, you aren't marrying him" Selena said loudly knowing Sirius would hear and understand.

"yes indeed" Rosabella replied looking into the eyes of Sirius, not aware of the fact that her eyes betrayed her the moment she saw the hurt in his.

Class went by rather uneventful and afterwards Selena said goodbye for she had another class, whereas Rosabella had a free period ahead of her.

She walks down the halls by herself happy with the free time and is unaware of the grey eyes following her.

As she turns a corner she is therefore extremely shocked to feel a hand cover her mouth while an arm is wrapped around her waist and she is pulled into a dark corridor. One of which she did not know the existence. She immediately went for her wand but the figure is far to fast for her.

"Wait" a voice said and she recognised it as the voice of Sirius.

"What do you want?" she snapped and began to walk away from him.

"Let me explain" he said pleading and she was stunned to hear that tone. Sirius Black never pleaded, he got what he wanted or he just stopped wanting it altogether.

For a moment she stood still and he took it as his cue to speak.

"I couldn't reach you without your parents knowing, I could never get you alone...I couldn't...I wanted to though" he said and his voice sounded so broken.

At that moment there was only one thing she wanted to do. Looking around the dark corridor she saw nobody and heard nothing either, she made her choice and acted quickly.

She pushed him against the wall and he wondered if she was going to hex him, but was surprised by her demanding kisses.

He pulled her close into his embrace and her hands found their way to his hair. Turning around he pushed her against the wall he had previously been against and he pulled her up a little. She responded by wrapping her legs around him and shortly after they were in perfect bliss once again.

Afterwards she quickly got dressed and raced to her next class, whereas Sirius was so content he decided to miss his class. With a bright grin upon his face he walked towards the Gryffindor common room, not noticing the quite similar face that watched him pass by.

Again the demeanour of Rosabella changed, though she tried not to let it show. And she was able to fool many. Many but not all. Regulus saw, once again he saw it all. He knew he had lost to his brother, but still refused to give in. It wasn't over until she said it was. But she did not speak and months went by without her seeing Sirius all together. Regulus had began to believe it was just a minor fallback. A little fling that she needed to get behind her. And he was happy, happy she was still his. Happy he was still the one she spend her nights and days with.

Rosabella was again without Sirius for a long period of time, yet this time she did not mind. It was better if they weren't together often. And still she was assured by him that she still had his heart frequently. Something nobody knew. But in classes he would look her way when nobody noticed and the look in his eyes said it all. She just hoped her eyes stated the same.

Every three months she would get together with the man she loved the most. The days deferring as much as possible. Just so she would arouse any more suspicion of her fiancé. She knew he wasn't a fool and she knew he was aware of the fact they had been together twice. Yet after that they had been more careful and the one she was promised to had been oblivious to everything.

She knew she should feel guilty for betraying him and sometimes she did, only for a fleeting moment that would quickly pass. Then all she could feel was love, love for the man she had originally been set to marry. The one she truly wanted to marry.

Sirius was no better. Though he still cared a little for his brother he felt no guilt. He knew his brother just wasn't strong enough to step up against his parents and he never once held it against the younger boy. After all he had been the one to get hit with hexes, curses and cruel words. Not Regulus. His little brother never knew the things Sirius had done to protect him. And he didn't need to know. All he needed to know was that he no longer got together with his fiancé. That was all he needed to know. All he needed to believe. And all he would ever hear.

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What did you think? Reviews would make me very happy!!! 


	4. Who do you love the most?

**Look at me**

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**Part 4**

_Who do you love the most?_

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The ending of the year came to a close and Rosabella had stopped all contacts with Sirius. Soon she would be home again and they would most likely never meet again. She needed to survive without him and she needed to get used to that as soon as possible.

"I love you" She whispered to Regulus before she fell asleep in his arms. He had smiled and pulled her closer to him. Just as he wanted t reply however he heard the even breathing coming from her silent from and he knew she was asleep already. He observed her closely for a moment and noticed a slight change in her figure. Though he no clue what had caused it he simply shrugged it off and laid his head to rest as well.

The next morning he woke up in an empty bed and quickly got up. She always slept longer then him and only woke up early if absolutely necessary or when something was wrong. Frantically he looked around for any sign of her and then walked into the bathroom. There he saw her brushing her teeth. She smiled at him and he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"You're up early" he mused in her ear and she rinsed her mouth.

"Yes I had the weirdest dream and woke up quite early, couldn't sleep anymore after that" she said quickly and willing to trust her fully he took her excuse without protest. It was then that Rosabella first experienced a pang of guilt that would not pass quickly.

She watched as he stepped into a shower cabin before walking out of the bathroom. Soon the other men in his room would wake up and she did not want to see their assets. Quickly grabbing her clothes she ran downstairs and up to her own room where she grabbed clean clothing and took a nice hot shower before once more brushing her teeth.

It took Regulus a while to figure out what had been going on, but the changes in her body kept amaze him. Soon however he found the cause for it.

It was a warm night that showed everybody summer was close, when he cornered her in the library. And as she looked into his eyes she knew there was no point in lying.

"We need to talk" he said and she nodded before taking his hand and letting him lead her to a more private room.

"is it his?" he asked simply no emotion evident on his face and she just looked down at her shoes. That answered his question.

"How long?" he asked then.

"It's been three months now" she replied softly and tears began to leak from her eyes.

"Does he know?" Regulus now asked taking a soft hold on her arms and she looked up into his eyes.

"No" she whispered and Regulus was happy to be standing so close to her otherwise he might have never heard her right at once.

"He does not know you are carrying his child?!" he asked her a little shocked and then saw the new tears forming in her eyes. It was then that he made a choice and he pulled her close.

"I could raise it as my own. Nobody needs to know, if that is what you want" he said softly and he felt her arms encircling his waist pulling him close, seeking comfort in his embrace.

For an hour they just stood and she cried, he said nothing more and she knew her words were needed to be heard by him. The choice she made a while ago, if he would have agreed.

"Yes...I want that and I do love you never forget that" she whispered and he smiled a sad smile.

"Yet I'll never capture your heart the way he has. It'll never be the same to you...I will never truly be enough" Regulus said and she pushed him away a little so she could look him in the eyes.

"He was a mistake, I wish to marry you" she said and kissed him hungrily.

He needed to believe her, he needed to love her. She needed him too. And he did. He loved her and he hated her al the same. He hated her because she gave her heart to his brother a year ago and he could never get it back from him. He could never win from his brother. He knew that, but he could not push her away. He could not live without her. He didn't want to either. And now he knew, he didn't need to. She asked him to be with her, she wished to marry him. He was content. He wanted to make her happy. That in turn would make him happy.

A week later it was time to go home and then she would have to tell her parents. They would be disappointed she didn't wait but then again they would still believe it was Regulus' baby and they would be happy. At that point they were both happy that their parents were oblivious to their true feelings.

Because as much as Regulus said he would raise it as his own he had been distant the entire week. Rosabella knew he had to process everything and she gave him enough space to do so, but not enough space to let him think she was once again with his brother. She had decided to never let Sirius know about their baby. She would tell him it was Regulus, she would tell him through a letter. Otherwise he might see the truth and talk her out of the marriage. She didn't want to. She needed the marriage with Regulus.

As she arrived home, she was met by the tearful eyes of her mother. Her eyes was blue and her whole body seemed to have been adorned with black and blue spots. William Rosier was on warpath. She looked around for Evan hoping he could take the fall this time but he had conveniently run off to meet his friends. She readied herself as much as she could and stepped past the threshold. Saying she had some news for them and if they could find a few minutes of their time to listen to her. Yet she was disappointed when her stepfather pulled her aside and began throwing curses her way. There was no time to warn him about the baby and the pain in her stomach was beyond any pain she had ever felt before. Her heart broke at the thought of loosing this baby and she was happy when she heard the voice of Regulus. He jumped before her and pulled her body close to him. She gave him one more smile before everything turned black before her. And she missed the tears that shimmered in the eyes of Regulus and the bewildered look upon her stepfathers face. Regulus ordered him out of the room and asked her mother for a healer. He hoped the baby would be fine. He knew she wanted the baby.

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A bit shorter than those before , but I figured this was the right place to end the chapter.

Let me know what you thought of this chapter, what you think of the story at all...


	5. Dealing with losses

**Look at me**

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**Part 5**

_Dealing with losses_

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A soft voice called her and Rosabella tried to open her eyes and respond to the sound. She tried to open her mouth but couldn't and her eyes too stayed shut. It was like she had no control over her own body. She tried to move anything, but nothing worked. 

She then tried to remember what had happened and what could possibly be wrong.

As the memories came flooding back to her, tears found their way to her eyes. A scream fought to break to through her mouth. And her hands wanted to touch her abdomen.

Her grief won over her weak body and with a loud cry she shot up from her lying position, her hands touching her stomach.

Two arms encircled her body and she smelled the cologne of Regulus. She cried and tried to speak. She had to know. Was her baby alright? Would he still become a father. No biological but in every other way.

Yet the words could not form in her mind and she knew it was because she was afraid of the answer. She looked up at her fiancé to find his own eyes shimmered with tears and she no longer needed to ask the dreaded question. The answer was evident in his sad looking eyes. Her heart broke into a thousand pieces and he pulled her close to him again. He kissed her forehead and just stayed silent. There were no words to say at this point.

Two weeks it had been to the day and Rosa still could go through a day without crying over her lost baby. Her mother had been so livid with her husband that he had been banned from the house for at least a month. She knew her daughter needed time and space. She could not use his presence as she took her time to heal. In a month Romana would look see if her daughter was ready to face the killer of her child again.

William on the other hand had been so shocked by the news of her pregnancy and the loss of it by his hands, that he had willingly packed his bags. It wasn't that he liked the girl but the Black's were very powerful and a child would have connected the two families forever.

It had been two months since she lost her baby and Rosabella still found it hard to concentrate on the wedding planning. She still wanted to marry Regulus yet she wasn't ready to do it any time soon. She needed to mourn the loss of the unborn child as young as it had been. She needed support while mourning but her loved one had been forced to leave. He needed to finish his education and he hated it. All he wanted to do was be with Rosa and hold her in his arms as she cried. Still he knew he had to make it through his last year at Hogwarts. If not he was never going to be able to support her, without help from his parents. He needed to stand on his own two feet. And he needed to be a good man for Rosabella. How else would they ever be able to create a baby of their own.

He wanted to have his baby's with her. Only with her. And he hoped that after this fiasco with his brother, he was the only one on her mind as well.

He hoped she would someday love him the way he loved her. Someday. Someday soon.

Rosabella missed Regulus. And she really wanted to be with him, be his wife and mother to his children. Yet at the same time she still could not forget about Sirius. He was still on her mind and as much as she tried to deny it, he had been the father. He needed to know, she needed him to comfort her. Yet she didn't want to bring the pain of losing something you never knew you had. She needed him to be happy. Therefore she needed to stay out of his life.

The days had grown darker and if anybody saw her near him, it might not end pretty. He had to forget about her and she needed to concentrate on her wedding.

And as she did just that, planning and organising for the day that was to go down in history as the most beautiful day of her life, she forgot about time and the year was over before she knew it.

Her wedding dress hung in her closet and everything was set. Tomorrow was the day. Tomorrow she would take his name as her own. Her arm straightened out the blankets she was under and she missed the body that was supposed to be underneath them. Beside her. Yet as tradition acquired, the groom could not see his bride the day before the wedding. It didn't matter to anybody that Rosabella and Regulus had done anything but follow traditions and they were separated the morning before. She smiled ruefully and closed her eyes, hoping to sleep in soon.

She needed to look her best.

The morning came and she was awoken by the dozen women fussing over her. They fixed her hair, then her makeup and last but not least helped her into the dress that many had already swooned over. Overall the girl looked like she had stepped out of a fairytale and she therefore could not truly understand the feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her things weren't all that.

She smiled at her mother, as Romana asked her precious daughter never forget her. "How could I forgot you mother?" Rosabella asked and her mother looked down with her bloodshot eyes.

"I've been a good mother" her mother said softly and Rosabella pulled the crying figure into a hug.

"you've been great mom" Rosabella said and her mother hugged her back carefully, she did not want to ruin the dress.

A knock on the door signalled it was time. Time to walk down the aisle. Escorted by mr. Black, for Rosabella could not bear to walk beside the man that had killed her child and abused her for so long. They walked down the long rows of people and she gave them all a smile through her thin veil. Orion felt proud to call her his daughter in law and beamed down upon her and looked proudly to his handsome son. The were a pretty couple and they radiated happiness when they were together. At the end of the aisle he lifted her veil and kissed her cheek. She smiled up at him and he hugged her close.

They exchanged their vows, promising to love each other for forever and a day, and kissed for the eye of everyone that had been present. They smiled and walked out of the church. Afterwards a huge party was opened by a dance of the happy couple and there had not been a single person to see the doubts present in the eyes of both the bride and groom. Nobody but them. She saw his worries and had no way of comforting him, for she knew her eyes were filled with worries as well. She loved him and he loved her, there was no doubt. But there would always be a dark cloud hanging above their heads. The cloud that could also be named Sirius Black. They would most likely never get passed that, yet neither one was willing to leave the other behind either.

The bouquet was thrown and caught by the hands of Narcissa Black. Ironic as it was, because only a few weeks earlier had there been a date set for her wedding to Lucius Malfoy. They smiled at one another knowingly for a moment, until Rosabella turned to leave the room. Time to leave for their honeymoon. A long nice vacation to wherever. Rosabella hadn't had a clue until they arrived. Regulus had arranged it together with his mother. A surprise for his beautiful wife. Rome, the city she had been born in.

For two weeks they visited family members that had not seen in years and the next two weeks they spend viewing all the gorgeous history the large town had to offer.

And for that one month, they were happy. The world back home did not matter and all was well. All was fine. They were together, what else could matter?

As they came back home the war had been in full turmoil and everything had changed. Their happy days soon were over and Regulus was sent of to fight. Fight against his brother. To fight against the light. Regulus did not know how long he could put up with that.

Rosabella was left at home fearing for his life, not able to do a thing to secure it. After all she was a wife now. The way most men saw it at that time, women were supposed to sit and be quiet. And they should only speak when spoken too. Rosabella soon got tired of this life. She wanted to be a wife, but only when her husband could be with her more often. She wanted him, no she needed him to be with her. She needed him to feel the slightest bit happy. And with days so dark happiness was in order for survival.

But her happiness was soon provided when she received the news he would be home for a whole two weeks. The reason wasn't very honourable or polite, but she was happy with it none the less.

It had occurred to the other men, Rosabella was still not pregnant. She still had not given birth a strong boy and they needed to keep the families growing for many were dying as well.

She smiled as she held him in her arms at night after they tried to make baby's. Both wanted to have one. Yet they could care less if it were a boy or girl. They'd be happy as long as it were healthy.

* * *

What did you think? I am posting this story on two sites and don't want to be to far apart but as I have to wait a few days for things to post on the other site, I don't update this too often. I've been waiting for to long now and decided you had a right to read on it you want to. Therfore a little earlier then on the other site,** Chapter 5. **


	6. Still no good news comes

**Look at me...**

* * *

**Part 6**

_Still no good news comes

* * *

_

After a long two weeks of peaceful slumber in which they had been living, no good news was spread yet. Her mother worried and sent her to a healer.

The news was not that happy.

Her stomach had been hit to many times and a baby was not an option any longer. At least not for another few years anyhow. The tears ran down her cheeks and the pain she felt in her heart was more then she could bare. Emptiness was all she felt and her days of worry free times were long gone. Her life had hit another wall and this one she could not get around.

She would never have the feeling of a little being growing inside of her body. And she would never get to go through labour. She would never enjoy the happiness of giving birth to her own baby boy or girl. She would never. Never.

Her heart broke into tiny little pieces and as she tried to glue them together they were stomped upon. Her life would never be the same again.

Yet nobody the saw her heartbreak as the fighting outside went on more fierce full now.

The first death close to home, was far to close for her liking. Though her stepfather had been killed a few days earlier she did not mourn for him. He had never received her love and neither would he get her to grief. He was never a person that could be loved by those around. No monster had ever accomplished that.

No it had been the one death after that that caused the glue to let go and shatter the small pieces even more.

They had killed her mother. The one person she had known her whole life and the one person that had never left her before. The one person she trusted more then anyone and the one she loved more then life itself. It wasn't fair and she began to think that God just did not want her to be happy.

One day long she cried and one day long she did not speak to a single soul. This ended however when Bellatrix showed up in her room, telling her to get it together and stop whining.

"People die all the time, why keep crying" she had said to Rosabella.

"Don't you dare say such a thing again. Not in my house!" Rosabella screamed and Bellatrix looked unaffected at the sad looking girl.

"you don't get to say such things. Just because you don't know what it's like to lose a loved one, that doesn't mean I can't mourn for my losses!" Rosabella added still yelling on the top of her lungs and Bellatrix' face darkened.

"I don't know?!? You think those people were all strangers to me?" Bellatrix replied a little confused by the reaction she got from the girl before her. She had always seen Rosabella as a weak little girl and she knew that the girl made her cousin, dear Regulus, weak as well. She had never seen the girl step up, this was a first yet she hated this even more then the quiet girl Rosabella usually was.

"Sure you knew them, but I've come to the conclusion you don't love. You are incapable of loving any human being. Your heartless and cold" Rosabella screamed and pushed the woman out of her room.

Yet after that argument she walked into her bathroom and cleaned up, it was time to live. It was time to do something with herself. She was not going to sit in her home and be the good little trophy wife, not anymore. She had some visits to make.

* * *

As she walked hurriedly across the streets she hoped to find those whom she had been looking for all along. 

The streets were empty these days and people dared not to step outside unless truly, utterly unavoidable.

A few people walked out from a small store near her right and both parties responded with a small shock before quickly scurrying of the other way, hoping their cloaks had kept their faces hiding from the other.

Rosabella walked further along the empty street and quickly jumped into the hall of a old building. This building was housing many witches and wizards, she knew. And it housed the one person she needed to see so badly.

Counting the doors she stopped at number 12. A little ironic and yet she was sure it would be the right number. Knocking softly twice in an all to familiar tune the door opened only slightly and let her in.

And there he was the one person she had been yearning for. The one person she needed to see at this moment in time. Sirius Black.

His faces had aged in the year a half they had spent apart but still she only saw the handsome unharmed man she loved to dearly.

"you should not have come here, it's to dangerous" Sirius said while walking steadily closer.

"I know but you know it's necessary and we're running out of time" she said and smiled while pulling him into a hug. And he hugged her back as if his life depended on it. And maybe it did, in a way.

"I've missed you so much" he whispered softly and she just smiled as tears trickled down her cheeks onto his shoulder.

"We need to act quickly" Rosabella whispered and he grabbed her hand while concentrating hard on where they were to go.

As her feet felt solid ground return beneath them she slowly opened her eyes and looked at all the faces before her, looking in wonder but assured that Sirius knew what he was doing.

"Time's moving quickly and you need to act fast" Rosabella said and all understood. Voldemort would soon be coming after the most prized order members. Bellatrix had finally returned to the house of Blacks.

"You're sure?" Lily Potter asked holding a small baby in her arms and for a moment Rosabella could only look at the small bundle in her arms with great grief. But remembering her purpose she tried to shake off the feeling and looked back into the eyes of the woman.

"Bella came to me today, she was as cold and calm as usually. Time has come" Rosabella said and hugged Sirius on last time before leaving the room and walking out of the house they had apparated too. Tears brimmed her eyes again but at least she could assured his safety. Now she had to try and safe her husband. It was nearly a year since they had been married and she could not wait to have a quiet evening alone with him. Which she knew she would get as all around her still hoped she would help continue the line of Black. She smiled ruefully at their foolish thoughts because her hopes had long vanished but still she did not voice it.

Lost in her thoughts however she missed the eyes of a tall dark figure hidden in the shadows as she left the house.

The icy eyes of Lucius looked at the leaving the street and he smiled. He would finally be able to push the noble black Regulus from his throne.

And as Rosabella looked at the clock two weeks from her encounter with Sirius, she did not miss the absence of her husband. The tension had been growing ever bigger the last two weeks and Voldemort had been running in and out of this household, while another death eater was asked to adjoin every time. Last week however he had asked for a house elf and Kreacher was sent. When he returned without Rosabella knew Regulus would act out. Though she never voiced those thoughts not even to his won mother, she knew he cared for the creature and the creature cared for him. Regulus had always been kind. Now a week later her husband did not return home and it would only be a matter of time, she knew. Quietly she went upstairs and packed her bags, ready to leave at any time. With futile hope she also packed his clothes but as the screams downstairs became clear she knew she was once again all alone.

"He's gone! Regulus Black is dead" Bellatrix Lestrange screamed and footsteps could be heard pounding up the stairs, there was nobody to protect her now. They were nearly there and Rosabella was torn. Should she stay and face her doom? Or should she leave and flee for the rest of her life. The door she had barricaded but it would take a few seconds only to get through and she needed to decide. The door splintered and Rosabella was forced to act quickly a decision quickly made. Hopefully the right one.

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_Let me know what you thought of this chapter! I'm nearing the end and although I wanted to wait until the other site that I'm posting this wasupdated to the same amount of chapters, I decided not to make you wait anymore. In two days I'm going on vacation for three weeks and I don't think it's fair to make you all wait that long._


	7. The final end

**Look at me...**

* * *

**Part 7**

_The final end_

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Huddled underneath her cloak she moved quickly across the grounds. Quicker then she had ever gone. Knowing she would not be able to apperate within the boundaries. 

As soon as she crossed those borders however she apperated and thought of where to go, who to go too. She knew and had known all along. Her visit two weeks earlier had been seen for the people around her had been far to kind ever since. She knew it was only a matter of time before she would be cornered and still she did not regret warning the order. They had a right to live. They had a right to fight. And she hoped they would win!

Again the familiar knocked tune on the door and she was let in, this time he was not alone and she looked at all the faces around her.

"I.." she began but as Dumbledor looked upon her she cowered and wanted to leave again. His eyes shone with an emotion she could not quite place but she counted on it to be disappointment. After all she could have chosen to stay with Sirius and leave behind the darkness she choose to marry in.

"Stay" Dumbledor said softly and she looked back into his eyes only to see compassion shining through them now.

"What's going on?" Lily asked a little bewildered. Though she did not really like the girl before her, she had not hateful feelings either. After all she warned them, risking her own life several times before.

"He's dead" Rosabella whispered and Sirius pulled her close. His brother had finally stood up for himself. He smiled and held the crying figure of the woman he loved as Lily gasped.

"Did they...?" Lily began and Rosabella looked up.

"I don't know, but I knew I could not stay. They saw me leaving here two weeks ago...we need to leave now" she said as realisation dawned upon her. She endangered all those around her at this moment. She quickly pulled back from Sirius.

"I ...go quickly! Go! At this point they just want me" she exclaimed at the figures before her and they looked at her taken aback while some left ass he said.

She was left standing with the Potters, Lupin, Pettigrew, Dumbledor and Sirius.

"Go please go!" she screamed tears streaming down her face and as she looked at Sirius he have a slight nod and her world turned dark.

* * *

A month had passed since then and Rosabella had learned that they did not want to leave her behind for the death eaters to find. Now she was hidden away from prying eyes and only Lily Potter knew the location. She was the secret keeper. Sure James, Remus and Sirius had visited but further then that Rosabella had been all alone. 

Her free time she spent mourning the deaths that hit her and the others every day. But mostly did she mourn for Romana, her mother, and Regulus.

Her only happiness came from the times she spent with Sirius but they were short and rare. She soon learned her goal in life was to be lonely and alone, from now until the end of the war. She just hoped the war ended soon enough.

But as the little boy of the Potters grew to be a year old they were sent in hiding and the war seemed far from over and she became less hopeful with the day.

But it wasn't until after the news of the potter's death had reached her ears that her life seemed hopelessly over. They had been betrayed and not just by someone they trusted but by the one person they trusted most. The one person Rosabella loved the most. Sirius.

Though she tried not to believe she was awoken to the harsh reality when he was responsible of yet another murder. That of his best friend. Peter Pettigrew.

It was then that Rosabella lost all hope for a good life. All hope for a happy ending.

Voldemort was said to be dead and she was supposed to be free again but her heart was broken beyond repair and she saw no way out anymore.

Sirius was arrested under loud screaming and as she looked from a small distance she was accompanied by Remus Lupin. The last survivor of the Marauders and she pulled him into a hug. A hug in which they both lay all their grief and broken trust.

* * *

Rosabella tried to pull herself together in the following weeks but found herself unable to do just that. In Remus she found no companion as much as either one tried to be for each other. And soon the thirst for life Rosabella had always felt was lost in her grief and pain. She no longer saw the point in life and was forced to keep her heart beating only for all the financial business she had forced upon her. She needed to take care of all the Black finances and then for the Rosier's and for the Caprice family. She visited her family in Italy once only to find those whom she had known had died as well. She truly had nothing left to live for at that point. 

She pulled back from society and wished to see nobody from that moment on. She saw no point in talking, in grieving, in feeling, in living. Her life was gone, over and done with. All those she had known and loved were dead or in prison. There was nothing for her on this earth anymore. Her destiny had come to an end. Had she fulfilled all faith had asked of her? Was there truly nothing left anymore?

And as she laid her head to rest one last time late one night, all images of her youth slipped through her mind. A youth in which she had known both happiness and pain. A youth in which she learned to hate and love. A youth in which she learned that there was no greater good to protect form men's harm. A short life in which she learned so much but still knew so little. That short life full of many things had ended. For as she laid her head to rest all power left her body and would finally find rest. She could finally be at peace with everything that had happened in her life. For now her life was of no importance anymore. It was truly over.

And as the news of her death reached the wizarding world, an agonizing scream filled with a indescribable pain could be heard in Askaban and in the land that surrounded the prison. Sirius had learned of the absence of his bog love, her absence from this realm. She was truly gone. Left him behind and she took his heart with her in her grave. He could never love like that again. He was not even sure he ever would want to love like that again. Though it did not matter at the time. After all his life was over as well. He still had his body and soul. His heart was still beating. But nobody knew the truth and he would never be free again. Yet his will to live, lived on and he could not follow Rosabella's footsteps. He knew Harry Potter was out there and he needed the son of James to know the truth, someday. He could not leave, he still had a mission. But someday he would see his love again. Someday he would be reunited with the part of his heart she took with her. Someday he would hold her in his arms again. Until then he was sure that Regulus would keep her close and protect her from any harm that could possibly come her way in the realm of the dead.

But as Sirius tried not to think of it, he was devastated over it still. Rosabella would never know the truth. She would never look into his eyes again. She would never see Harry grow up. She would never see Voldemorts return and the fights Harry had with him. She would never see how everything ended. And she would never again know true happiness. Happiness as she had experienced only in the first nine years of her life. Happiness she never got back. Not in her marriage. Not in her forbidden relationship with Sirius. Not in anything she did in her life. Never did she get it back and now there was no chance that ever would again.

And not only did she leave Sirius behind, behind bars. She left Remus Lupin. All alone with all his friends gone from the world. Sirius could not bare to think of what his only living best friend could be feeling. The loneliness and pain.

Rosabella left everything behind and Sirius hoped she had found peace!

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**The end **

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Did you all like it? I hope read many reviews and such when I come back in three weeks. Until then, have a nice summer and I really hope you enjoyed this story! 


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